The Cringe – TOUR TIPS

Alternative band, The Cringe, were kind enough to write a set of Tour Tips that you guys can learn from. You can check them out after the break.

1. Know your music trivia. While fantasies about hanging out with supermodels, shopping for vintage guitars, and being buds with Pete Wentz are probably foremost on your mind as you set out on the road, you’re going to spend a lot more time arguing over music with your smelly bandmates than you are cooing in some hot babe’s ear. If you’re not already one of those human rock encyclopedias, it’s time to start becoming one. Although wasting the better part of your teen years reading Creem, Guitar World, Hit Parader, Alternative Press and Revolver is  still the best way to prepare for the inevitable “Zep vs The Who” or “Death Cab vs Jimmy Eat World” throwdowns you’re going to have at 3AM somewhere between Harrisburg and Allentown, even those of you who actually paid attention in high school can still pick up a copy of Dave Marsh’s classic Rock Lists or the new Rock Connections, which will have you spouting wisdom like a Grunge Gandalf in no time. Reality check: if you don’t know who Myron Grombacher is, keep studyin’. . .
2. Control thy bladder. Look, it just ain’t cool to announce you have to pee every 30 minutes while you’re trying to cover 400 miles to your next soundcheck, so don’t be one of those whiney whimps who starts to bleat about your widdle wee-wee five minutes after you’ve just pulled out of the last rest stop, where you already had a perfectly good opportunity to unleash the beast. If your system is literally about to poison itself, and your eyes are turning yellow, at the very least be cool and ask if anyone else has to stop for a pee break; chances are if you’re that bad off, someone else is, too. Novel approach: one band I met years ago had actually installed a large funnel in the side of their converted schoolbus, so those time-consuming “quick pee stops” weren’t even an issue. Still. . . ewww.
3. Do not smoke anything that has numbers in its name. Quite often on the road, local music enthusiasts will want to buy you a drink, as you are, of course, a totally awesome cool dude who is wicked good on guitar, drums, etc. They may even want to introduce you to their girlfriends in a slightly creepy way, or, as often happens to those of you in the “jam band” world, party you up, bra’. While this sort of thing is obviously illegal, I leave it to you to decide how to handle it, but even if you turn a blind eye to law enforcement, make absolutely sure that whatever partyables are consumed, they have a good old-fashioned name that sounds good uttered by a surfer—think Sean Penn in Fast Times. Anything with a name like “Salubrium X-16” or “Quadrafoil B-11” is to be studiously avoided; anyone mentioning the local college chemistry lab or experiments on rhesus monkeys should be politely evaded (uh, run dude. . ). Your brain will thank you later.
4. Always use pedal power, never batteries. Nothing leads to more embarrassing pre-set freak-outs, or mid-set meltdowns, than discovering you’ve got a dead battery or three in your pedal board, so don’t let that FullSound OMG pedal suddenly start fizzing out like your bass player’s hideous pizza fart the night before right when you’re about to let loose your one mega-solo in the entire set. Voodoo Labs, Dunlop and other companies make perfectly great pedal power units that will pay for themselves over batteries in a very short period of time, and you’ll never have to do all that distracting unplugging/plugging of your pedals during and between soundcheck and gig. If you’re one of those Eric Johnson devotees who feels that a slightly deleted battery makes a pleasing difference in your tone, may I suggest saving that sort of nuance for the studio—oh, and fuck you.
5. Do try to make the “bro-bro” hang with your fellow bands. Sure, there are times when you absolutely must get the hell out of Dodge right after your set, and in those cases, be sure to offer your regrets to your co-billed bands and peace out with a little good vibe. But whenever possible, take the time to watch and appreciate your fellow bands, and trade contact info and CDs if you feel a kinship with them. There’s no telling where that band who opened for you in Des Moines is going to be in their careers this time next year, and as you’re coming up, word of mouth is literally all you have to build your own career on, so get known as a cool bunch of people. If someone in your band is a total cock socially (probably your lead singer) consider stuffing his mouth with foam from one of your roadcases and leaving him in the van once your set is over. Being the artistically tortured type, he’ll probably enjoy it . . .

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